Post funeral visits
I find it interesting that church folk – at least over here in the UK in the Church of England – think a post funeral visit by the clergy is an essential part of the funeral service.
The funeral procedure goes like this. I get a call from the funeral directors telling me about the death and giving me brief details of the deceased and the next of kin. I then ring the next of kin and make an appointment to visit, in order to chat about the funeral and find out what they want at the funeral.
I then put the funeral together, ring the organist and the verger and set it all up. I take the funeral and usually say goodbye to the family at the graveside, or occasionally go on to share refreshments in the village hall or the pub or whatever.
A week or so later I make a post funeral visit to the next of kin, just to offer support and see how they’re getting on.
All of this is expected by those within the church, but I think things are changing. Once or twice I’ve called again after the funeral, to be met with a blank look and the spoken or unspoken question of: Why are you here?
This afternoon I decided to do a post funeral visit from last Tuesday’s funeral. The widow had asked all sorts of questions at the pre-funeral visit and at the funeral, questions like, How can you stand up there and do what you do when God doesn’t answer prayer? God took my husband, even though I prayed and prayed. How can there be a God, if he does things like that?
We had what I thought were meaningful conversations, where she seemed to come around a little and began to realise that there were other ways of thinking of God other than as an old man with a long white beard sitting on a cloud, deciding whether people should live or die. So I thought this was definitely a post funeral visit I should make.
But I was wrong. I rang first to check if it was OK, but she didn’t really want me there, and was being well looked after by neighbours who were rallying round. So we had a cup of tea and a chat and I came away.
What do you think? Should clergy automatically visit again after a funeral, or should we keep out of it?